Farewell summer, you will be missed

Poison Ivy

PYO Strawberries at Homestead Farms

An acceptable form of torture

In light of the CIA reports recently released by President Obama detailing torture techniques used on prisoners of war, one mother is appalled by what she claims is an accepted form of torture by society at large.

“The idea of using torture techniques on another individual is horrifying to me,” says Helen, mother of three. “But today I realized that similar techniques used to torture prisoners of war are also used on my children, all with my consent.”

Helen is referring to a recent doctor visit with her son, Buzz, who went to the doctor for his physical health examination so he can enter Kindergarten in the fall, and an 18- month health examination for her youngest daughter, Maggie.

While both Buzz and Maggie did an amazing job with their visits, Helen is still shaken by the similarities between what happened in the doctor’s office and the torturous acts she heard about on the news.

“First, we take our unassuming, and sometimes unwilling, child into a cold and sterile environment and remove all their clothes,” continues Helen, “Then we humiliate them by walking them out into a long corridor and parading their little bodies in front of complete strangers so they can be weighed and measured without their consent. It can be worse for babies because they are stripped right in the corridor in order to get their weight before going in to the examination room.”

Helen says that this procedure is only the icing on the cake. “After this, we take them back into the cold room and close the door only to let a stranger touch them, sometimes forcefully, and get their temperature and blood pressure.”

According to Helen, after the initial examination children are force into a virtual isolation chamber. “When the nurse is done looking the child over, we make them wait in the room in near isolation, without any clothes, and for an indefinite amount of time without allowing them to touch or play with anything.” Helen claims that, after driving children to the brink of collapse with this technique, the doctor appears and the torture continues.

“We then allow this stranger to poke and prod our child,” Helen said. “We even hold the child down at times to allow the doctor to stick things in their ears and mouths and push parts of their bodies while asking ‘does that hurt?’. All cries for help are ignored and we continue to tell ourselves that it is good for them and this is necessary.”

After this traumatic experience is over, Helen says that false hope is given to the child by putting their clothes back on and leaving the cold room at last and going to the waiting room where toys and books greet them. But, says Helen, “this is only to allow them a moment to think they are safe because we then take them back to another cold room and hold them down so that yet another stranger with large needles can stick the arms or legs of the child and complete the vicious torture that has broken their sweet spirit at last.”

Perhaps we should all be just as appalled by these acts we allow to be done to our children as we are with the acts done on perfect strangers. It may be time to find a better way for both.

Near fatal accident at US National Arboretum

A 19-month-old girl nearly drowned herself today by jumping into a pond at the US National Arboretum (USNA).

Little Maggie was visiting the USNA’s azalea collection with her mother, Helen, brother, Buzz, and good friends Evie and Alisha. According to witnesses the child walked over to the edge of a small man-made pond and jumped in.

“I was four feet away from her when she started going toward the pond, “says Helen, “I looked right at her, called to her, and told her to come back over to where I was standing and then I blinked and I heard a splash in the water. It all happened so fast that I didn’t even have time to panic.

“At first glance all I could see was her pink baseball cap floating in the dirty black water, but no Maggie. But as I was running to the water her head popped up and she gasped for air and I grabbed her arm and yanked her out. It took at total of maybe three seconds for it all to happen but it seemed like everything was moving in slow motion at the time.”

Maggie reportedly was more upset about being soaking wet than anything else and as soon as she had her wet clothes off she was perfectly content to continue walking around and looking at flowers.

“Fortunately, Evie was wearing a onesie under her jumper so she lent the jumper to Maggie so that she wasn’t running naked through the trees,” Helen said.

Aside from tripping a few times and scraping her knees, Maggie enjoyed the rest of her time at the USNA and took a long, much needed nap when she got back home. Helen, however, was not so content when they arrived home and spent the next hour on the phone with an advice nurse to make sure the water that Maggie swallowed wouldn’t have any side effects.

“The water was so nasty,” Helen grimaces, “It was literally so dark that we could not tell how deep the little pond was. And the only sign of life in the water was one lone goldfish. I just don’t want Maggie to get some bacteria from the water she swallowed when she gasped for air.”

After explaining the incident the advice nurse attempted to reach the doctor-on-call and was unsuccessful. This led to an immediate call to poison control in order to find out if there was anything immediate to worry about. The poison control dispatcher, Lori, was friendly and helpful and put Helen at ease.

According to Helen, the nurse finally got in touch with a doctor and Maggie has been put on a 24 hour watch by all interested parties. Poison control and the doctors’ office will be calling tomorrow afternoon to see how she is doing.

Maggie’s father, Bob, was travelling on business when the incident occurred and was not available for comment. To view more flower photos and to read Alisha's side of the story, click here.

Simple Inquisition Turns Ugly

A four-year-old boy unknowingly insulted his mother today while eating lunch.

Buzz, the only son of Helen, reportedly compared his mother to swine during their usual lunchtime conversation.

"It is always an adventure to talk with Buzz," Helen says, "He has a very big imagination and spends most of his days telling tales about Transformers or battling imaginary bad guys and saving the day."

This particular conversation started with Buzz quizzing Helen about the eating habits of his one-year-old sister Maggie.

"Buzz asks a lot of questions," said Helen. "Today he started asking about the foods that Maggie used to eat when she was a baby. He wanted to know if she still eats the same foods. I told him she eats more foods now than she used to. He then asked about her drinking milk as a baby and was asking if she still drank that milk. I told him she drinks the same milk he does now because she is bigger."

Helen states that when Maggie was a baby and was breastfed that Buzz always said the milk came from her belly and that was how she fed Maggie.

"I see no reason to explain the mechanics of breastfeeding to a child his age so the whole milk from the belly thing was a perfectly good explanation that he came up with himself," said Helen.

According to Helen, the conversation then progressed as follows:

(Buzz) "Did you get sick of feeding Maggie?"

(Helen) "No, I didn't get sick of feeding her, she just got bigger and stopped drinking my milk."

(Buzz) "Do you still have your milk?"

(Helen) "No, it went away when she stopped drinking it."

(Buzz) "Well, why is your stomach still big?"

(Helen) "What?"

(Buzz) "Why is your stomach still big?"

(Helen) "I don't know, buddy."

(Buzz) "Pigs' stomachs are big. So are their backs."

The boy then reportedly got on all fours and imitated a pig by making snorting noises.

"I know he didn't mean to compare me to a pig, but I plan on remembering this conversation for many years to come so that I can remind him of it when he is a teenager," Helen said. "I think I will go do some sit-ups now."

Observation finds common childhood virus alters personality

The roseola virus came under attack today by a young mother claiming the virus altered her baby’s personality.

Eleven-month-old Maggie was diagnosed this afternoon with roseola after a phone consultation with the infant’s doctor’s office.

“She woke up Sunday morning with a fever of 103 degrees,” the mother, Helen, stated. “Tuesday morning the fever was only 100.5 but she was screaming like she was in pain so I called the doctor and got an appointment. I figured it was an ear infection and that we could get antibiotics and she would feel better. There were no visible signs of infection so they did two blood cultures on her little arms and put a catheter in to do a urinalysis. It was horrible to put her through all that when she was already so sick.”

The doctor initially diagnosed Maggie with a viral infection and recommended Tylenol for discomfort while her little body fought off the infection. Wednesday morning, Maggie’s face, chest, back, neck and bottom were covered with a rash.

“I knew that I had seen a picture of a rash similar to her’s on a poster in the doctor’s office, and I knew that it was not a heat rash. She was in so much pain, I couldn’t get her to stop screaming, so I called the doctor again,” Helen said. “I described the rash to the nurse and told her about the previous symptoms and she confidently diagnosed Maggie with roseola. Her symptoms were textbook.”

According to WebMD, “roseola (roseola infantum) is a mild illness caused by a virus. It is generally harmless and is most common in children 6 months to 2 years of age. Roseola often starts with a sudden high fever [103 F to 105 F] that lasts 2 to 3 days, although it can last up to 8 days.

“After the fever ends, a rosy-pink rash may appear over your child's entire body, starting on the torso and spreading to the face, neck, and arms… A child with roseola may appear fussy or irritable and may have a decreased appetite, but most children behave almost normally.”

Helen claims that her daughter does not “appear fussy or irritable,” but that her personality has been severely altered by the virus.

“She has not been the same little girl since she got sick,” she said, “My sweet, happy baby has screamed consistently for two days. There have been short moments of peace when she is distracted from her discomfort, but they are very short. The nurse said the rash will fade within three to four days and hopefully she will be her happy self again. I just want all of this to be over and to have my baby back.”